[Happy Halloween, Dear Readers --Papabear]
Hello again. I am happy to inform you that I have gotten over my Tech E Coyote obsession and I have in fact began talking to someone real a fair bit online. He has been perfectly fine with me and no discomfort, bad feelings or anything have happened and we have become "internet friends" He lives in America and I'm British and we don't plan on meeting up or anything IRL. However I fear there might be a problem on the horizon. A few days ago, I heard my mother discuss something to do with something called Tarot. These are apparently to do with fortune telling and she says have some links to Satanism. So not good then, eh? A while ago I had been looking through the submissions and journals on my friends Fur Affinity page and discovered that he has a collection of these cards which he commissions artist to make for him. I thought these were, frankly, quite cool looking but probably due to my lack of knowledge. I'm basically worried that I may have befriended a perfectly nice... Satanist. He has been very nice and friendly and I trust him as much as it is sensible to online, which isn't that much, just small things like when he'll be online, nothing valuable. But I trust my mother far more but I know she can get touchy over things to do with, let’s call it magic for want of a better word. So, my question is simple, What the holy fornication do I do? Should I stay friends with him, talk to him, break away from him or just leave it alone. I don't want to just bugger off without an explanation. It is the internet, but come on, we do deserve some clarity. Thanks for the help Stettfudd * * * Hi, Stettfudd, Glad you are over your crush on Tech E :-P I saved your question for today because it is so timely for this holiday; hope you don’t mind. But to the question at paw.... Tarot cards were invented in Europe in the 1400s to play a number of harmless card games. It wasn’t until about four hundred years later that people started using them for fortune telling (or divination). Today, there are different versions of Tarot cards, some associated with games and some associated with the occult. Just as Tarot cards were adopted by mystics to tell fortunes, regular playing cards are also used for the same purpose. You can also cast lots, throw bones, use a crystal ball, read tea leaves, etc. None of these things are magic in themselves. It is only one's attitude towards them that makes them seem so. The same goes for Tarot cards. They are just cards with art on them, nothing more. It is the mystic who is the key here. If you believe in such things, it is the mystic’s ability to read the cards randomly shuffled and dealt that allows him or her to tell make predictions about the future. The cards are just pieces of cardboard or plastic with drawings on them. It’s okay for you to like the art on the Tarot cards your friend made. It would be wrong to assume that because he makes such cards he is a Satanist. The two of you have become friends and that’s a wonderful thing. In your conversations with him, try to bring up the topic of religion and philosophy in a nonchalant manner. Maybe start by saying some of your own beliefs and then see what he thinks. This is a much better way of finding out more about your friend because you know what they say about people who assume—you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” Happy Halloween! Papabear
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Dear Papabear,
Allow me to apologize in advance, for I plan to keep this letter brief and to the point. I've already written two especially lengthy letters to you today, but neither of those sent due to technical mishaps on my end. So, here's hoping that the third time will be the charm. I'm a sixteen year old asexual agnostic. I only loosely identify myself as agnostic, and lately, I've been having some thoughts that have tempted me towards atheism, which is quite a taboo where I live. Though I plan on keeping this letter somewhat brief, I feel that a little history is needed to make my question clear and clarified... I don't consider myself a spiritual/religious person. I've only been to church a handful of times, and those few times were usually at the request of my mother. Recently, I've been growing increasingly skeptical of religion, specifically the concept that a single, omniscient deity is perched on a cloud in the sky. In fact, the main force leading me to try and cultivate my faith when I was younger was the fear of what lay after death; an eternal damnation being ample incentive for me to try desperately to find god. Regardless of how hard I tried, I failed. Thus, I'm here, seeking advice. I'm torn over the concept of faith. What irks me so badly is that I can understand it. It makes sense that a god would only reward those who put the very well-being of their souls into his hands with no evidence. That's also what leaves me feeling unsettled. One of my major fears in life is living a long life confident in my beliefs, and then finally slipping away, and realizing that I thought wrongly. On the other end, I believe that no pious, benevolent god would damn someone's soul to an eternity of suffering simply because they did something he forbade. A truly kind god would love all, regardless of their actions or thoughts, and any god but that wouldn't be worthy of worship. If my question has gotten a bit muddled over the course of the letter, please, allow me to reiterate it. Is it truly a bad thing to not believe in god? I've been raised my entire life with the concept of atheism being a detested, shameful thing to be. It is possible that I'm fretting for nothing, if there truly is nothing that lay beyond death. Thank you in advance, PB. I don't know if I should be embarrassed or humbled that I've received more advice from a stranger over the Internet than from family or friends. Nevertheless, I appreciate that you do what you do. -Nick * * * Dear Nick, If you’ll indulge me a moment, your letter reminds me of an old Steve Martin routine. Paraphrasing a bit, the skit goes something like this: “Wouldn’t it be weird if you died and went to Heaven and it was just like they always told you? You know, with pearly gates and angels with wings on them playing harps? And you’re like, ‘Oh, shit! Really? Are you kidding me?’” That traditional concept of heaven with cherubs and seraphim flapping around on dove-like wings (I always thought dragon wings were cooler) and God being a big guy with a white beard sitting on a throne with his Son on one side and Holy Spirit on the other and all the other angels and saints standing around being holy and not noticing that the cherubs’ pink butts were hanging out.... Yes, it’s lame. And if you mean that you don’t believe in that type of God, the one who also throws people into Hell for not following His commandments, then I would applaud you for your good sense and perspicacity. Just because you don’t believe in that kind of God doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be an atheist, however. When I ponder the existence of God, or Great Spirit, or Grandfather Bear, or Ultimate Being, I think of that in terms of my being by comparison. I know that if I were God, I would have enough love in my heart, as well as sympathy and compassion to not want to see anyone tortured in Hell for all eternity. And if I can feel that way, and I’m just a little spec on a tiny planet in a vast universe in comparison to God, then I think God would be infinitely more compassionate and kinder than I. Furthermore, I would think that He would know how to help people with cold hearts and heal their blackened souls. Therefore, Hell would not be necessary. So why do religious people such as Christians talk about Hell and threaten people who don’t believe as they do with eternal damnation? Why, to get just the kind of reaction they have gotten out of you: fear that if you don’t behave you will be punished with unending misery. But if you’re a good little boy you get to wear a robe and walk on puffy clouds for eternity (which actually sounds incredibly dull). I, personally, do not believe in Heaven or Hell. These were created by humans as an award/punishment system to keep the masses in line; that’s all. The concept of God is also an exercise in anthropomorphism. The Bible says that God created Adam in His image. Some interpreters of the Bible say that this shouldn’t be taken literally, but that what is meant is that we have a soul while other creatures do not. Even this kind of anthropomorphism is an indication of great hubris on our part. Personally, I think humans think far too much of themselves and of their importance as a species in the grand scheme of things (remember when we believed the Sun and all the universe orbited Earth?) The epic hubris of religious institutions, however, is even more outrageous. No one on this planet knows—genuinely knows—the solution to the mystery of life and death. The Pope does not comprehend it any more than you or I do. People who tell you they understand fully what life and God are all about are either self-deluded or lying to you. I would not worry if I were you, Nick, that someone else’s concept of life after death and of God is correct and yours is wrong. They are all wrong because no one knows the correct answer. When we die, there are two possibilities: 1) Death is truly death, the end of your being, your consciousness, your existence, in which case it will be like going into a dreamless sleep and never awakening, or 2) there is some kind of existence after death, but the nature of what that truly is will be a surprise to us all. Hopefully, a good surprise, but I, for one, could only speculate as to what that might be. This is why people came up with the concept of Faith. Because we don’t truly know what or who or if God is, we take it on blind faith that He is and that He is a good and kind God. That is what many of us hope even though we cannot prove it (pointing to the Bible is not proof, it is notable to point out). We have Faith because it is a great comfort in a scary world, and we obey religious leaders because it is easier than thinking for ourselves. Another option, as you noted, is to be an atheist. Science has shown us that the universe behaves according to logical mathematical and other principles in a very elegant and beautiful system that can explain everything from the formation of galaxies and planets to the emergence of life and evolution. Perhaps, then, God is unnecessary and science is Lord. There is a third option, however, which is the one I have been exploring. It lies, in a sense, somewhere between the two options above in which God is not a perfect omniscient and omnipresent being but instead is an evolving being that is coming into existence and that becoming is experienced through the evolving consciousnesses of living beings such as ourselves. Part of that becoming is an awakening in which God must decide whether or not He really exists. This is completely within the Becoming God’s power, and if He concludes that He doesn’t exist, then the universe disappears and we start from square one. But if He does conclude that He exists, then he becomes a Fully Awakened God, in which case all things are possible, a true nirvana. Just a theory. Take it with a grain of salt. This long-winded response to your question, Nick, will conclude by asserting that, no, it is not an evil thing that you are considering atheism as a possible model for explaining the nature of existence. But I predict this will not be the end-point of your personal exploration of life and meaning. You are 16 years old and have a lot of time to explore and consider your life. As you live your days in this iteration of your soul, your philosophy and theology will likely evolve, too. This is the noblest of pursuits, and the best thing you can do is not worry about what other people think of your personal quest. I applaud you for not mindlessly aping what your friends and family tell you to believe and how to behave. As for your concluding remarks, I see no reason for you to be embarrassed or humbled for reaching out and talking to someone else about your feelings. I feel that it is healthy, and I hope that my words will continue to help you. Don’t disregard family and friends, though, as everyone in your life will have something to say and advise you on, but trust your instincts and your own judgment. Consider the words of others, speak less than you listen, and weigh others’ opinions against the realities of the world that you experience first-hand. Continue to question everything you see and hear as you have been doing and you will do well in life. Bear Hugs, Papabear Papabear,
We talked a long time ago. Since then I've become very “spiritual,” though I would just call it the search for awakening. Already my commitment to it is manifesting in small ways, and it will snowball soon. I read some of your spiritual beliefs. I agree and disagree in different ways, but those aren't important. I just wondered if you are still searching or not. I think that you and I are on the right track, but I was curious if you believed in something like 'awakening', or what your beliefs involved. Where did you learn your beliefs? Was it a big mix of unremembered sources? Or did you follow particular religions and spiritualities? Any specific teachers? I hope you don't mind the multiple questions :) Be as concise or drawn-out as you'd like. --James * * * Hi, James, I’m a firm believer that there are many paths to the truth, not just one, and that people who assert that “my way (or the way I follow) is the only right way and all others who don’t follow my way are doomed” are either experiencing the height of hubris or the height of self-delusion. When one contemplates what the very nature of God or the “Ultimate Truth” might be, one should be humbled, because there is no way our tiny, severely limited intellects and perspectives can every fully comprehend something so infinitely expansive, so mind-bogglingly (if that’s a word LOL) powerful. Therefore, all we can hope to do, at best, is get closer to the truth, as close as we can get in this short life we are given. So, to answer your question, I am still contemplating what is out there. To give you a Reader’s Digest version of my journey (and here’s hoping I don’t offend anyone): I was raised by a Southern Baptist father and an agnostic mother. This, in itself, was an interesting start. My father was very religious (though not above being an ass), brought up that way to religious parents in Texas. When I was young, he made the family attend a Baptist church and I went to Sunday school for a while. Even at that tender age, I had a sense that it was all crap. My mother had enough of it when, one Sunday, the minister stood up in front of his congregation, and in all earnestness said, “Jesus wants our church to have a new red rug.” Jesus, my mom later asserted, doesn’t give a crap about floor coverings. She eventually convinced my father not to force us to go if we didn’t want to. Mostly, I didn’t want to, but sometimes I felt sorry for my dad so I went with him. My sister did not (she’s a scientist and an atheist these days). Anyway, fast forward a bit through my parents’ divorce and my going off to college, and I came back to Christianity briefly when I went to college and met my future wife. I read the Bible cover to cover a couple times, and even though I saw a lot of flaws in it, I saw enough good to try to follow it. The college was affiliated with the Methodist church and there was a very nice minister there who was open-minded and wore a Winnie-the-Pooh stole. Gotta love it. I joined the church’s mime troupe, of all things, and we did little skits with a Christian message. I enjoyed it. After college, I got involved with work and building a life and didn’t get too into religion. I worked at a publishing house and met a couple very good Christians there who are still my friends. They embody the true spirit of what Christianity is supposed to be, including, when I eventually came out of the closet, of remaining my friends and being supportive and nonjudgmental. They were Presbyterians. Generally, I have found people belonging to such denominations as the Presbyterians, Episcopalians, and the Congregationalists more pleasant to be around than Baptists and Catholics (except for the lapsed Catholics, who are a hoot LOL). Interestingly, my personal experiences were a lot different from what I kept seeing in the media: a lot of hate coming from “Christians” who were constantly doing what Jesus said not to do: judging people you don’t agree with and also a lot of coveting money, building huge edifices to themselves costing millions of dollars that would have been better spent on, oh, I don’t know, helping the poor? Some of these people—Pat Robertson is a mucho bueno example—are out and out batshit nuts. I started getting really turned off Christianity again. There seemed to be a lot more hate and greed coming out of it than love and kindness. I started looking into other religions, from Judaism and Islam to Jainism, Buddhism, Wicca, and shamanism. About the time I was getting to identify more with my furry side, I was also identifying more with Wicca and shamanism (but also Buddhism). I read Buckland’s Complete Book of Witchcraft (I actually am acquainted with Raymond Buckland personally through my work with my publishing company), but while I liked a lot of stuff about Wicca, especially the credo of leaving people alone as long as they aren’t hurting anyone, I couldn’t really get into all the magic stuff. What kinda killed Wicca for me was when I talked to Buckland once and asked if he’d like to write another book on Wicca and he said no, he was tired of defending Wicca and felt it was rather pointless to keep trying. Interestingly, Wicca is one of the fastest-growing religions in America right now. Meanwhile, I doubled my efforts to get involved in Buddhism, and even joined a temple in Michigan. I tried meditating, but was a little disturbed by the reverence for Buddha and bowing to his golden image. I guess that just freaked me out a bit from my Christian upbringing. Why was I bowing to a golden statue? It just didn’t feel right. So, next was shamanism. Well, exploring Native American beliefs, there are lots of different kinds of shamanism. Of all the areas of spiritualism, this one has made the most sense to me. I found a teacher on Facebook who is a part-Indian teacher in Oklahoma. He taught me about the Medicine Wheel and the importance of Bear in my life. I really haven’t touched deeply enough into it, but I have found a couple places out in the desert where I still go to meditate in private now, trying to connect with the spirits that exist all around us. Yet, part of my problem both with Buddhism and native beliefs is cultural. I feel disconnected from both because these cultures still feel so foreign to me. I know I shouldn’t let that bother me, but it does. I still feel rather like an orphan who is trying to find adoptive parents but has not succeeded yet. I’ve been forming a lot of my own conclusions about the spiritual side of life, some of which is influenced by modern knowledge of science, especially physics. And that’s where I am now. I am still a questioner, a seeker of truth and will be until the day I die and, hopefully, long after that. Hmm, maybe that was longer than the Reader’s Digest. Hopefully, it wasn’t boring. Papabear Papabear,
Before I get to my question, I would like you to know LostWolf Freeman told me about you. Anyways, I would like to give you some information about my tough situation I’m in. First of all I'm a Christian, and so are my parents, but I’m more open minded then parents are. When I was in my teen years I saw a psychologists; she didn't keep things confidential; at that time I would say I wanted to be treated like a dog, and wore collars and so on. Because of all that, my parents have legal custody over me no matter my age, according to one of my real-life friends. I even tried wearing a dog collar in front of my parents once years ago, and I felt like they both judged me, and told me I would go to hell for that. Years have gone by since then. I understand now why they were worried then; wearing the dog collar I was still letting the past abuse hurt me (note I have lived with my real dad who’s never laid a finger on me). I stopped wearing dog collars, I don't wear them anymore for that reason; you can still be a furry without one. As a young kid like 2 years old that abuse was I had a collar, leash on, and was in a dog cage with uncle standing outside. That's the only thing I ever remember. I'm only bringing it up now so you know what’s going on completely. As the years have gone by I have discovered my true self and know what I’m supposed to do. Two things helped me find my freedom from the past: 1. God; 2. Wolves. You see I'm a person of love, but I get very shy meeting new people in real life. I also do my best not to judge anyone that’s different. I have no doubt I’m a furry. I see myself as a Christian furry though. I even have a YouTube video up about it. I feel like I’m being lead by the Lord to go out in the area of North Carolina, where I live, and show people you can be different, and still be a Christian, and also what unconditional love truly looks like. All my friends know about this. I even talked to [my] church pastor about it, but my parents don't know. I'm afraid [to] tell them cause they might judge me, but at the same time I have no doubts, unlike the collar. I do the fursuiting for the good positive feeling, not the negative one I got with the collar. I love giving hugs, making other people smile while in the suit plus I'm not as shy, and I can let my kid out. I'm helping others, making a difference in their lives, yet at the same time I’m also getting the joy from being a service to others. I would love to get a wolf fursuit, I also feel led to tell people the truth about wolves just like me my whole life a wolf is misunderstood. A wolf is very big on family, loving, shy of people, but also a beautiful animal, and free. Anyways, I thought I would give you some background on things here. If we see people out at dinner with tattoos my parents say sometimes that’s sick how can you do that, while I think it's art to the person, or might even have a meaning. My question is, how do I explain to my parents that I’m a furry when they can sometimes be judgmental? Sorry for the book. SnowWolf * * * Hi, SnowWolf, Of COURSE you can be a Christian (or Jew or Muslim or whatever) and a furry. Furry really doesn’t have anything to do with your religion, although many furries are drawn more toward Nature-based beliefs like Wicca and shamanism. And, as you know, there are Christian furry groups out there and you would likely do well to connect with them. I think the most direct solution to your problem with your parents is to get your pastor involved as an intermediary. Since you told your pastor about your being a furry (and, since you don’t say differently, I assume he was understanding), approach him again and ask him to help you talk to your parents about furries. It will help a lot if he’s there with you. Your letter reminds me of two people in my life that I would like to refer you to, if you don’t mind. I won’t name them here, but one is a spiritual teacher of mine in Oklahoma who does the same thing for bears that you’d like to do for wolves. He runs a foundation and he wears a bear fursuit to help educate people about bears and to raise money to help them. The other friend is a pal in Michigan who is a devout Christian and family man and all-around good guy who has a beautiful canine suit designed by Beastcub. He often wears it at charity events such as fund raiser runs for children’s hospitals. I would like you to talk to both of them and get some feedback from them. So, let me know about that. I think it is remarkable that you have, in essence, healed yourself to a large degree after what was a traumatic experience with your uncle. You have found strength in your faith and your love of the natural world, and they have helped to save you. Continue on this path, and you will do well. Hugs, Papabear Hello Papa Bear!
I read your letters to furs sometimes on your site and you have answered one of mine in the past. So thank you for the advice! School is awesome now that freshmen year of high school is long behind me and each passing year seems to get better and better. Now I even have a mate and overall I'm having a good life. But what's on my mind constantly is religion. I grew up Roman Catholic and am still being raised this way. I went to a Catholic grade school where it seemed like the traditions and teachings are forced into you like math class. (There actually are religion classes if you go to a Catholic school no matter where you attend.) And every class seemed the same. It's not just "this is the Bible and you must follow it." Not at all. Catholicism actually doesn't focus that much on the Bible as much as one might think. It's still important but Catholics focus much more on the morals that it teaches more than anything else which I have been grateful for. But what the religion classes actually taught was how to be a good person (aka not sinning,) and following the beliefs and traditions. Sounds good and harmless right? Ha ha, no. Absolutely not. Don't get me wrong, there were good qualities that taught, but The older I got and the more I submitted the more I realized this: the Catholic church teaches petty perfection, guilt and a lemming-like following. One teacher even taught that if you didn't follow the traditions you weren't Catholic. I seem really biased and like I'm digging at Catholics by laying it down like this but this really is how I see it. Growing up by the Catholic teachings has made me timid of making any mistake. Any. It makes me feel guilty every time I so much as think of sinning (or whatever seems like it.) The more I saw this about myself the more I began to wonder if that's really what God would want out of us. Would he really want us to be perfect? Would he want us to be cringing in fear of him every time we make a mistake? What my parents told from a young age is that God is merciful and loves all his creations. I believe this because I was given a blessed life with a loving family friends. But it seems like the Church is trying to teach the opposite. Especially when it comes to the Church's stance on homosexuality and same sex marriages. I was always told in school and at church that marriage was meant for a male and a female only with no exceptions. I was ok with this for a while. But being bisexual myself I'm not so good with this idea anymore. First of all if someone is homosexual or bisexual it isn't their fault. God made them that way for a reason right? And as I've learned over the years: love is love. God always loves his creations no matter who they are. God would want his creations to love and be loved wouldn't he? So why can't the church realize this? I say tradition is too deep rooted in their minds. But really all my thoughts on Catholicism begs the question. Is Catholicism really for me? Do I really need it? I kind of found myself growing out of it. I learned and am still learning all about morals, and good character and such outside of the church. I don't know if what's left for me in Catholicism. I'm not worried about what anyone else thinks about my decision. Really I'm worried about myself here. But at the same time I'm really wondering if I should stay. Despite all my thoughts on it I'm having a surprisingly hard time deciding whether I should stay or go. My early "training" might be holding me back naturally, but I'm not entirely sure. I don't know if I want to leave Catholicism or if I want to stay with it. I don't think I can use my own input on this any longer. Thank you, Dawnstar * * * Hi, Dawnstar, Far be it for me to tell you what religion to follow. That’s an extremely personal choice. Reading through your letter, it’s pretty clear you have come to some conclusions about life and spirituality that no longer mesh with your Catholic upbringing. In my opinion, this is a good thing. Not because you are drifting away from Catholicism (a religion that gives millions comfort) but because it shows you are thinking for yourself, not just mimicking what you have been taught all your life. Probably what brings a lot of this questioning about is the fact that you’re bisexual and the Catholic Church considers bisexuality and homosexuality a sin, although Pope Francis recently said the following about gay people: “A gay person who is seeking God, who is of good will — well, who am I to judge him?” The pope added, “The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains this very well. It says one must not marginalize these persons, they must be integrated into society. The problem isn’t this (homosexual) orientation — we must be like brothers and sisters. The problem is something else, the problem is lobbying either for this orientation or a political lobby or a Masonic lobby.” Which is interesting in that he seems to be saying the Catholic Church should be tolerant about gay people, as long as they are not lobbying for their rights. Hmm. I personally feel that religions make a relationship with God more difficult, because they put a lot of rules, rituals, traditions, and laws in the way. This is done purely to create a priestly/authoritarian class between you and God so that certain people will have power over you and define your Faith (a paradigm even more powerful than nationalism). All you really need to know is what you have already said, Dawnstar. God is love, and loves all His creations, flaws and all. He is not sending you to Hell because you are bi. Frankly, I could not believe in a God whose sense of compassion was inferior to mine, and since I can find love in my own heart for people of all races, nationalities, religions, sexual orientations etc., I believe that God’s compassion is infinitely greater than my own. Therefore, He loves you infinitely more than I do, and infinitely more than the Church does. As for the question of didn’t God create gay and bi people? Depends on your point of view on the topic. Some people think that gay and bisexual people choose to be that way because they are sinful, not because they were born that way. I—and I’m sure you—am of the opinion that we were created this way, with our sexuality ingrained in us; therefore, why would God create an “evil” creature just to get His jollies to condemn him or her to an eternity of suffering? He wouldn’t. Please note, this is just my opinion. I also feel that, since I do not know what [insert deity/deities of your choice here] plan is, it would be very presumptuous of me to say I know. Perhaps God really does like rosary beads and old men wearing funny hats. I find the notion ridiculous, but I cannot say differently with any sense of authority. Perhaps this question would have been better answered by my mate, Yogi, who was raised Catholic. But my feeling about all formal religions, in general, is that they make spirituality far more complicated than it needs to be. If we all simply loved each other and were kind to one another, and loved God, as well, we wouldn’t need anyone telling us when to go to church, which way to bow, and whether or not we can eat a certain food on a certain day or need to fast or need to go on a pilgrimage. It would all be utterly unnecessary because we would be living in a paradise on earth. Also, I must assert here, the fact that we have different religions and people telling us that THEIR religion is right and YOUR religion is wrong has caused more wars and human suffering than anything else in human history. Dawnstar (by the way, lovely choice of a name), you’re feeling anxious because you fear disapproval from family and society if you explore your own direction to find your own spirituality. Yes, that is scary, indeed, and it will take courage for you to do this. But, in your heart, you have already done it. You have already decided that a lot of the religious teachings you have received are not right for you. The rest is really just formality. You are also hesitant because you are afraid of distancing yourself from what has long been familiar in your life, even if you feel what is familiar is wrong. This is understandable as well. You must decide whether you wish to live a lie just so you can fit in, or whether you wish to be true to yourself and find a life that fits you rather than the other way around. I applaud you for awakening to your own truth and to the wisdom that God loves you for you, as you are one of his beautiful creations. Good luck! Be brave! Papabear Hi Mr. Bear,
I'm looking to get a better knowledge of the Otherkin / Therian groups. The main issues is all info I've found are basically just pieces of other "religions / way of thought" that are twisted to fit in the context. I know your Paganist therefore I'm pretty sure you'll understand my "request." I would like to know if you are aware of any site / forum / FB group that have information's about Therian and/or Otherkins that is just not Twisted info from other believes systems. Or are they just that, an amalgam of other believes "twisted" into something "new"? Thank you to have too the time to my question. Best regards, Anonymous * * * Greetings, I signed you as “Anonymous” to protect your identity more than just your fursona name because I want to respond to your letter on the website. Papabear hears you saying that you are searching for what is the “ultimate” truth or definition of a Therian and for Otherkin because the sites you are finding on the Web are “twisted” to fit the perspective, I suppose, of each particular site’s creator. This might be news to you, hon, but all belief systems are “twisted” to fit the views of those who create them. Whether you are talking about a religion, a philosophy, or a belief in elves or werewolves or, as I believe, a spiritual connection to them, these are all worldviews that come from us and, therefore, are all “twisted” based upon our experiences and our character. Papabear’s understanding, when it comes to Otherkin, is that they believe they harbor the spirits of elves or fairies, or sometimes creatures like dragons or demons, that have originated from another world or parallel universe (well, that is one interpretation; there are others, probably); and Therians believe they can, in some manner, transform into another creature, sometimes physically, sometimes spiritually/mentally, depending on what they are, or simply that they, too, harbor the spirit of an animal within them, but these animals are based on creatures we see in this world, such as wolves or bears, instead of “mythological” beings. Some Therians believe in the idea that one can become a Therian and others believe you are born Therian. A better explanation can be found in the excellent Wikifur website at http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Otherkin. Even within the Otherkin and the Therian communities, there is debate about what it means to be an Otherkin or Therian; some people even say there is no big difference between the two (Granny Smith vs. Fuji Apples, instead of apples vs. oranges). In short, you will never find an ultimate truth about either one because there is none. This is not an atypical phenomenon in our world, either. People seem intent upon dividing themselves into every more individuated groups based upon their interpretations. That’s why, for example, the Christian Church divided into Catholics and Protestants, and then the Protestants further divided themselves into various denominations ad infinauseum. This is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it is a good thing that people keep wondering about their world and coming up with new ways to try to understand it. This indicates a dynamic search for the Truth rather than a stagnant one. If you are a seeker of Truth, it would benefit you to learn about all of these schools of thought and then, once you have gathered the information, consider it carefully and draw your own conclusions. Remember, a well-considered and hard-earned belief system is better than a belief system that is simply parroted based upon what others have told you to believe. The information you get from books or the Web or from listening to others speak is the brick and mortar you can use to construct your own faith and philosophy. Some bricks you will find good and solid (e.g., The Golden Rule), while others you may wish to discard (e.g., priests can earn money, nuns cannot). The structure you may build might even have to be torn down once or twice and rebuilt again and again until you are happy with the results. (Then, as they say in my corner of the world, “It’s time to decorate!” JK) So, no, Papabear does not know of any website that will satisfy your question about Otherkin and Therians. What is beautiful is you have the power inside you to discover your own truth. Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear, What is the point in life? I know a few of the typical responses. Because there are things in life that can bring you joy and happiness. However, the emotional manipulation I mentioned in my other letter led me to suppress my emotions from a young age. What better way to make it easier to change my myself to fit the situation? And I have yet to figure out how to turn them on or if they are on I have no way of knowing if they are real or not. So that idea is out. Then there is the idea of "if you died your family would be sad," but given my relationship with them or lack there of I can honestly say I wouldn't give a shit, pardon my language, what happens with them. Then the final one is similar to the one above but replace family with friends. Except given my issues and lack of real social skills, I have great people skills, but not social skills, I don't build lasting or close friendships. I base this off of my track record with "friends." So even now I have plenty of acquaintances, but probably only one friend who is still just a step above an acquaintance most likely. And acquaintances come and go, so I don't really consider this argument either. Though having said all this I should probably point out that I'm not suicidal. Mostly because I'm incapable of taking my own life. Because without emotion all I'm left with is logic and instincts, so I have a strong survival instinct. Or put another way, I'm too much of a coward to take my own life (I've heard the cliché that it is cowardly to commit suicide and the brave keep on living, but hard to feel that way when the only reason for not choosing death is out of fear). So at this point I'm merely going through the motions day in and day out waiting for death. And as mentioned in my other letter, tried therapy twice with two different people and neither one helped at all. Sorry for the downer of a letter. Sincerely, Thief * * * [Note to readers: here is the previous letter from Thief: http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2013/06/he-needs-to-rediscover-who-he-really-is.html] Hello, again, Thief, Humanity has pondered this Ultimate Question since our dimly self-aware ancestors first gazed up at the moon and stars. Greek philosophers have pontificated upon it, religious leaders have declared unbelievers in their dogma to be heretics, modern science has defined it in stark, unfeeling terms of “survival of the fittest” and “passing on one’s genes.” I cannot tell you what to believe, but I can tell you what my own conclusions are. I believe that no one knows, not even God. Or, at least, not the God of this current universe we are in. Because life and evolution is not simply about subatomic particles, DNA, and the betterment of society. It is about the evolution of the Grand Consciousness of which we are all a small part. We, you and I and everyone and everything around us, is a part of God, the Great Spirit, and the Being That Is One experiences and lives through our hearts, our minds, and our vision. We all contribute to the spiritual growth that is the evolution of God and of God’s slow Awakening into Self-Realized Consciousness. Another way to put it, is that we are in a present state of the evolution of God in which God is deciding whether or not existence is real and has purpose (it has long been my belief that if scientists keep peeling apart subatomic particles, eventually they will discover that matter only exists in our minds). The next phase of the evolution comes when the conclusion is “Yes, life is real and I Am real.” But that cannot happen without you and every one of us contributing to that conclusion. You, Thief, have the Touch of God within you that grants you the ability (based upon Free Will) to choose your purpose, to believe that life has meaning, because you, as a part of God, are empowered with a small piece of the Creative Gift that made all things. The purpose of life is the purpose you give it. Only you can give your life meaning, and by self-generating that meaning you give God more Life, and you give all of us a greater hope. The Meaning of Life is not something you seek and find, nor does it emanate from the mouths of those who wish the throngs to follow them. It is something you create. Papabear P.S. If that was a little too heavy for some readers, watch this for a little relief: Well, I see you have been without a letter in some time, so here is one.
I’m more asking for advice for the issue and am kinda worn out of friends and family giving me the same advice of how I’m young and I can leave an impression later on in life. The issue is not at all furry and actually it was only brought back up due to a new furry friend and I talking. (Now I’m in no way suicidal.) My greatest fear is that if I died tomorrow the world would not care at all, and the only ones to notice would be bill collectors. Now, yes, my 3 real family members (lots of extended family hate me) would be sad. To make things a bit more interesting, there is also a bit of self-hate working at this, for in real life I hate what some call a "god" persona, something that could be called equal to cocky but less attitude and more self-righteous. But thanks to this I feel where I’m at in life is useless and not where I should be at all: a 20-year-old man taking room at his parents’ while going to a very low standard college while going to work. Now, with that, I know these are no easy feats for a lot and actually I know that these should actually bring me pride, but why? If I just vanished to say right after this letter what would anyone remember? I can think of nothing... Just that a guy living at home with his parents, poor job, cheap education disappeared. Well that’s the issue... A guy with a god persona fearing that if he were to disappear nothing or no one would care. Note: although this is in some ways depressing I’m not depressed. Nor am I suicidal or wanting to disappear. Just wanting advice. Will I take your advice and run with? I don’t know. Waiting to hear back, Glitch * * * Hi, again, Glitch, Glad you’re not depressed. Your letter reminds me of a person I mentioned in conversations with a couple of my friends recently. Do you know who John Muir was? He was a nineteenth-century naturalist and one of the founders of the environmental movement in the United States. He helped create Yosemite National Park and founded the Sierra Club. Yet when I mentioned him to my friends they had never heard of him, nor even the Sierra Club (of which I’m a member). Now Mr. Muir died only about a hundred years ago and his renown is already fading. But what lasts is what he did to change the world, such as preserving Yosemite, which represents a kindness given to both our planet and us. Now, let’s look farther into the future, much farther.... Eventually, this country will cease to exist, our species will go extinct, our Sun will swell up and burn the planet to a cinder, our Sun will die, the fire will go out of the galaxy, the universe will spread out into nothingness, and all life and memories of life will be gone. Not to panic you because all this will happen hundreds of millions and billions of years in the future, but even a lasting legacy (for example, people still remember who Julius Caesar was) will eventually become meaningless in the grand scheme of things. This is not meant to depress you, just to put things into perspective. So, what is the point? Depends upon your philosophy. If you believe that when you die you’re done because there is nothing after death, then the only thing that really matters is the here and now, not your “legacy” and whether others besides bill collectors will be concerned for your demise. The point then becomes to be happy with your current life and not worry about what happens afterwards or whether or not you have done anything “important.” What things give you pleasure now? Enjoy the good things in life, the big and the small pleasures of it. Enjoy that delicious, perfectly prepared slice of pizza, the warm sun on your face filtering through a green canopy of leaves, the sounds of the surf splashing upon a rocky coastline, the gentle touch of an infant’s hand upon your index finger, the buzz of a bee gathering pollen from a flower, the victory dance at the end of a hard-won football game. It’s all good, as they say. What if you believe in an afterlife, as I do? That there is something beyond matter and energy in the universe and that that is more real than the stars, planets, dark matter, and galaxies that fill it up? If you are a Christian, then what you do is emulate Christ’s life and, hopefully, go to Heaven where you will have an eternity of bliss (or be bored out of your mind by harp music and the lack of fashions beyond white robes and sandals). So, what is important is good deeds and kindness to others, not fancy diplomas and CEO desk jobs. My belief is that we are all small bits of spirit that each help to make up a Great Spirit, and that everything we experience during our lives helps to contribute to the evolution of that great, encompassing consciousness. Therefore, everything we experience is significant. It doesn’t matter if you have a “menial” job sweeping floors or run Microsoft, have a GED or a PhD, they are all valid experiences that contribute to a greater understanding of existence. And the greatest lesson to be learned is to always be kind and loving to other people, because it is that love and kindness that bonds us little spirits together into one Great Spirit. And that’s not just the love for other people, but for all the spirits throughout the planet and anywhere else they may be found. These things are far more important than college degrees and moneyed jobs. In short, your life is important not so much for what you do as for who you are. I would much rather know the poor beggar with a heart of gold than the rich man who fires thousands and impoverishes their families for the sake of a stock portfolio. Good people are rare delights in this money-obsessed world. Be a good person and you will be a worthwhile person. Hugs, Papabear Hello there Papabear!
First off I would like to say that it is awesome there is an advice column for furs by a fur. I've considered Dear Abby in the past, but I'm not sure a non-fur would be able to figure out how to help me. A bit about myself, I'm a 27 and was recently (and officially) diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and ADD/ADHD. My therapist was surprised that I survived as long as I did without medication or seeking prior help. Mostly I had to motivate myself through depression and hard times, especially a royally nasty divorce. I graduated high school with honors and the prestigious American Legion Award for organizing a fundraiser for American Cancer Society in high school. It was quite successful, their goal of $100,000 went far beyond, netting between $300,000 to $500,000 dollars for cancer research. Currently I am a college student who was inducted to Phi Theta Kappa while attending for an art major. I switched from electronics as math beyond algebra becomes perplexing to me with it's contradictory logic (a+b=c, but not if a is equal to c D:>). I am currently the proud uncle of healthy baby boy, it's been a challenge to deal with as it can be stressful when he starts crying. I really don't have a question, but rather a quandary. I during the time of the divorce, my mom ran into trouble with church. Mostly she was blamed for my dad’s infidelity, though I knew the truth having spent countless nights praying he would come home safe with my mom. Faith has always seen me through rough times, so when my mom was excommunicated I decided to drop the doctrine (lose the middleman) and seek God on my own level. I understand that there is a higher force at work, one that goes beyond my own understanding of the world. I've seen the many wonders from the anatomy I studied to improve my art to the very stars I would see in my telescope. It's a humbling sight to see the rings around Saturn or the moons circling Jupiter! But here in the South, if you ain't in "X" church you're burning in Hell. Work isn't really a place for religion or so I'm told, but one time I had a boss rip into me because I wasn't in church every Sunday. Mostly likely that was part of the reason I was let go, the other might be because of how slow I process things (I'm getting better lol). But I was shocked that a boss would say something like that to his employee. I should have known when the mechanic quickly rolled his eyes when the sermon began. Again, I'm not good at picking up most social cues like I am now. He pretty much condemned to hell and berated me in front of the other workers. Even in college we had folks from local churches recruiting for their youth groups. I wasn't particular interested, truth be told I got a bit frightened that they wanted my personal info. My friend was a Baptist and got a bit offended that I wasn't going to be part of his group. Later at my new job, I apparently was indoctrinated into being a Christian (was raised Catholic) by reading a prayer provided by a fellow coworker. I merely did it so she wouldn't get offended, but I kind of regret having to people please just to keep a touchy subject at bay. Well Papabear, I grow weary of people's antics about religion and what's the one true path they believe I should follow. In my own belief, I believe there is no greater Hell than the one we create for ourselves, so I would love to drop this ball and chain once and for all. I don't like being guilted into doing anything I don't feel comfortable with, and I'm tired of being the bad guy. What would be a proper way of handling this? Any suggestions? Very Sincerely, R-Complex P.S. Thanks for taking the time do make this column happen. :D I believe it's a positive thing you do. * * * Dear R-Complex: Thanks for your kind words about my column. I try my best to answer everyone’s questions objectively and helpfully. Your questions and experiences are similar to mine over the years and you, like me, have come to question why people professing to be Christians—a religion about love and forgiveness—act with so much unkindness toward other human beings, whether or not they are also Christians. Sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, religion-wise. You came from a Catholic home and you are living in the South, where there are a lot of rather extreme Christians, such as the Southern Baptists (I’m familiar with both denominations). My husbear comes from a Catholic background and explained to me that, while it doesn’t happen as much these days, the Church can excommunicate you for a divorce, though they might not if you have a lot of money that you give to them on a regular basis. Sounds like that’s what happened to your mom. Now the Catholics are not such sticklers on attendance as the Baptists, who really get pissed off at you if you don’t attend services every Sunday (as you noted, they tend to threaten you with an eternity of burning in Hell. I loved the episode of The Big Bang Theory where Amy makes a comment on this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g9OszJFIzg). If you could prove your boss fired you because you didn’t attend church, you would definitely have a legal case against him; but if he comes back and says it was because you were slow, then that would be the end of that. You sound like an intelligent person who can think for himself. You’ve overcome the disability of ADHD to excel in school and, not only that, work to benefit your fellow man. A lot of religious people can’t understand that. They cannot comprehend that people are able to live and achieve without the Church, and that, quite frankly, makes many of them furious. Some might even say that you must be in cahoots with the Devil to be able to do things without giving the Church it’s cut ... er, 10% tithe. Now, before I get a lot of hate mail, let me say, as I have done before, that churches have done a lot of good and charitable work, and there are a lot of good religious people out there whose hearts are full of sincere love. My belief, really, is that such people would have been good anyway, but they were brought up in a religious atmosphere and became good people under the Church that way. A lot of my readers may disagree with me, and I completely respect that. These are just my opinions and that does not in any way make them the Gospel truth. These are my conclusions after spending 47 years on this planet. You, R-Complex, seem to be heading down the same path. You recognize that you don’t need a church and a religious organization to have a personal relationship with God (much as the Gnostics taught before the Catholics wiped them out). So, your question is how do you deal with these people always foisting their beliefs on you and telling you that you are a bad person if you don’t believe as they do. Good question. Well, one way would be to move someplace with more liberal views, such as New York, San Francisco, or Los Angeles. Places where they don’t judge you based on your marital status or how often you attend church. But, if you can’t get away from the self-righteous, you have to set up a confident front. There is little chance of your educating or enlightening people with deeply-entrenched religious values, so don’t even bother. You deal with their opinions and pressure by being confident in your own spiritual values. This way, you won’t be guilted into doing things, like you did when you were cajoled into reading that prayer. People often do things in life not because they want to but because they wish to be accepted into their social groups. Once you realize that you can never reconcile your personal beliefs with theirs, no matter how you might try, you can be your own person. I have come to a point in my life, for instance, where if somebody looks me in the eye and tells me I’m going to Hell for not being a Christian, it doesn’t fluster me in the least. Don’t apologize for your beliefs. Ironically, when they do this to you, do what Jesus did and turn the other cheek. When someone says you’re a godless heathen, tell them, “Well, this godless heathen loves you anyway and wishes you a happy and healthy life.” It’s interesting to see them try and figure out a comeback for that one. Each time you are faced with hate and fear, confront it with love and acceptance. Accept that these people have certain views that you don’t hold true, and know that this in no way should affect what you believe. You’ve worked hard to be where you are today. Your spiritual views have also been hard-won. You have earned them and no one has the right to take them away from you. If there was a question somewhere in your letter, I hope there is an answer somewhere in mine. May Grandfather Bear watch over you, Papabear Dear Papabear,
Well, a couple of days ago I went to the Tennessee Christian Teen Convention (TCTC). While I was there I made the choice to be baptised. My problem is the fact that I'm bisexual. Even my own mother says that I can't be a Christian. I'm extremely confused about what I need to do. I'm even suffering riddicule from some of the members in the church. ~Shadowrunn * * * Dear Shadowrunn, I am not a Christian, but I know what a Christian is (having grown up in a Christian home). A Christian is someone who believes that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that God sent His only Son to live as a man on this world and to be the Redeemer of Man’s sins so that anyone who believes in Him shall be saved. Do you believe that? If so, then you are a Christian. It doesn’t matter if you are straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, or have fallen in love with a turnip. If you believe in the above, you are a Christian. Papabear personally does not consider bisexuality a sin or a fault, but even if you do, aren’t we all imperfect? Does not Christ forgive us of our sins and our flaws? I will guarantee you one thing: there is not a single person in your church, including your mother, who is without sin. There is not one person in your TCTC who is perfect. I also believe, though I am not a Christian, that Christianity should be about love and acceptance, not hatred and exclusion. I have a very very dear friend named Motoko who is a very devout Presbyterian. When I told her that I was gay and that my marriage was ending, she loved me anyway. She is a Christian. Your mother can take a lesson from her example. I know that there are a lot of Christians out there who are like my friend Motoko, but lately I seem to hear more and more about Christians who hate people, especially people in the LGBT community. They also seem to love guns a lot and hate Democrats. People like Pat Robertson make me ill. It makes me sad because Christianity is supposed to be a faith of love and hope, but the current leaders seem to think the opposite, including those in your family and community. Tell your mother it doesn’t matter what she thinks. It only matters what Jesus thinks and you know in your heart that God loves you unconditionally. Feel the love, hon. And to my Christian readers, please chime in with a comment of support for Shadowrunn. Thank you. Papabear |
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